he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
