I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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