Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
