we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
