If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
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