so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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