drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
