I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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