ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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