u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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