"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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