I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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