And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
