in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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