No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
