I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
