hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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