How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
