This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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