Me. At least after what I've been through.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
There are leaves in my underwear?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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