Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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