guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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