That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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