My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
