totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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