dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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