You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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