I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
