Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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