after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
you never un-have a 4some
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
