She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
