i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
