For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
