Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
