my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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