using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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