I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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