one two three fourrrrnication!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My balls are so social today.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
