Im at strip club and am horny
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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