Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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