I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
