Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
