we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
