Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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