Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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