remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
