ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
