So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
