I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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