It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If I die, sorry about rent.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
