Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I love you. Go after that dick
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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