So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You're like the curious george of whores
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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