He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
