u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
