apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
