it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
