so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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