i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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