I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
