he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize