my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
