i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
