Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize