You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
