My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
false alarm, still single
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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