I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
