My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
im six kinds of drunk right now
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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