Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize