I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
