Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
