Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
