and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
