haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So here I am, sexting at work.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize