Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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