Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
