The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
