The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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